TRIGGER WARNING: The article you are about to read may contain upsetting and/or disturbing information concerning sexual assault
Although most memories from a couple of years ago are hazy, there are some key moments in your life that really stick, and this is one of them.
First of all I’d like to make one thing clear, and that is what classifies as assault. Many girls often dismiss assault because it may be normalized or they may just be too scared to speak up. If either of these apply to you, know that assault of any significance should be talked about and reported. Sexual assault is defined as “intentional sexual contact when the victim does not or cannot consent”. Now that I’ve got that out of the way, I’d like to share with you my story for the simple reason that I felt so horrible, so ashamed, and so unclean for a long time after my encounter with a guy I’ll just call “x”, and I hope with all my heart that girls with similar experiences will be encouraged to move on just as I finally managed to do.
It was mid-July and since I live in Greece, I was obviously with a group of friends going from island to island drinking a bit too much at times, going out most nights, and whatnot. It was quite late at night and I was feeling as if I was gonna collapse at any moment, so I left my friends and went to sit under the church next to the beach.
While I was feeling like total crap, this guy that I had been flirting with on and off while walking around the city apparently decided to sit right next to me, placing his hand between my thighs. I tried to scoot away, not saying anything so as not to embarrass or offend him, which in hindsight seems very stupid and cowardly… but back then, I didn’t know any better.
We didn’t talk much and before I knew it he was kissing my neck. By that point, I was unbelievably uncomfortable and told him that my friends would probably be searching for me but he just shrugged and mumbled something like, “we have time.”
I didn’t really know what to say and before I knew it, he was unzipping my jeans. Honestly I was quite scared by that point. He wasn’t that much older than me but I was in a state of total shock, partly thinking of excuses and partly thinking of what the hell I had done to lead him on so much. Fortunately, after a couple minutes when he had put his hand down my pants, I got a call from my “dad” saying that he was about to come “pick us up.”
That was my first sexual experience. I never saw “x” again but I still shiver whenever I think of him.
The reason I wanted to tell this story was because for so long I blamed myself and asked myself what had I done wrong. I don’t blame myself anymore because I know I did not do anything wrong.
Many girls have experienced this at a very young age and that’s what I want whoever reads this to take from my story. It’s not your fault.