Daddy issues. This is a phrase that you hear more and more recently. Whether that is when you see a young woman with an older man or even a woman who has trouble committing to just one man. However there are certain misconceptions regarding the phrase daddy issues. Freud, a very famous and brilliant psychoanalyst believed that daddy issues - like all mental issues - originate from one of the ‘5 stages of development’ but as interesting as Freud’s approach, it was not exactly what I want to get into at the moment.
I’ve done quite a bit of research in order to figure out where daddy issues originate and even though there isn’t a diagnosable mental disorder associated with it, many professionals link it to attachment issues. However, I noticed a very common pattern which agreed with Freud’s explanation that ‘daddy issues’ are developed in people whose fathers were cruel, had a tendency to bully, or were simply disinterested. Basically, it seems that the adult longing for a father is a consequence of ‘abandonment’ of any significance.
A person with daddy issues may be mature in every other aspect. However, the longing for protection and for a father figure remains, since this wasn’t something they had been allowed to mature from. Very often, someone with daddy issues may either consciously or subconsciously identify a father figure. The man who steps into this role should solve all our economic problems and take charge in most aspects of our life. This person should be protective of us and aggressive when someone tries to hurt us. Not only that, they will be proud of us and openly love us just as we are..
It may seem fulfilling and just amazing to have this person in your life, letting someone assume this role can be greatly dangerous for a person with daddy issues. This father figure might know what we want and promise to provide it. We become dependent and they could easily become the most important person in our lives since this person is the equivalent to a care-giver we didn’t have or didn’t feel a connection to in our early years. When you have such a person in your life, you have personally handed them the opportunity to completely destroy you. This person makes you realize that it’s time to wake up from your childhood dreams. They can’t provide for you, they can’t protect you and perhaps they never really loved you at all.
This idealistic fantasy daddy figure that you created in your head isn’t actually a good father. This is simply because truly good humans know that they aren’t that powerful and that they are flawed, just like you. More than that, they are happy to admit to it too. A good father disappoints us, but they do it when we are old enough to take it and not before and not after a certain age.
Finally, it’s important to know that when meeting someone with daddy issues, one may be tempted to mock them, and also mock the father figure that they may have identified, but you should never do that because when they get attacked, they’ll feel the need more strongly for that idealized father.
About the author:
My name is Louisa Vichou and I’m a 14 year old aspiring writer who loves painting, pretty much all sports, singing and piano. However, (like all the greats) I have an arch-enemy... maths!