Incomplete only when complete


Have you ever felt an immediate need of running away, of leaving everything behind and just starting from scratch? Most probably many of us have indeed felt this urge, it is a common reaction, when facing a difficult situation and before finding the strength of managing the issue through logical analysis and maybe with help. But what I am talking about is the appearance of this urge, at which point one has it all. Or at least what a contemporary society would define as all.



When the city you live in is one of immaculate security, with an irreproachable quality of infrastructure, with among the best medical, economical, even social systems, with weather that never reaches extremes.


When the friends next to you are always there to listen, want the best for you and never say no to spontaneous adventures.


When the house you live in is always filled with light, with the sound of birds singing and with the perfume of flowers in the spring, dancing from the majestic park, through the wide windows into the living room.


When at one point you meet someone and that someone makes your heart jump with tender kisses and safe hugs, he or she understands your career, your goals

and inspires you to become “the best version of yourself.“

And then, at one point, the atmosphere of equilibrium, the inner feeling of calm and satisfaction starts to shake.

This need of leaving is a need of the absurd. It is a need defined by the fear of having it all too fast, too peaceful. If I said it was aroused by the mentality of always wanting to reach for more, to evolve and to constantly change, I would be lying. Firstly because I cannot name one reason. Secondly because what the need encourages to reach towards is not more money, a brighter house, more loyal friends, or a better lover. The urge I am feeling is one to start from scratch, from zero, with no experience, no knowledge of the new place, no support from the ones around. A destination so wild and far and warm and simple, with no perfectly organized system, with nature not to be controlled and with dangerous waves changing as the moon decides.

Should I trust this feeling, should I follow its aggressive calling, should I leave it all behind and not think about the consequences? Should I continue inhabiting a reality so without risks and at one point ritualistic and as a follow always feel the hole inside? Will the hole be closed with the leaving, or will it be opened again soon, once the new becomes just another old? And how to even explain this luxury of feeling incomplete, only when you realize that you might just as feel consider yourself complete.




About the author: With a passion for culture, psyche, exploring the world, and coming in contact with an infinite number of stories, I studied theatre, film and media, in sociology, along with writing at the University of Vienna. I tend to find beauty in every single element, while always attempting to fully live every experience, to archive it in the form of photography and written word. Not one day goes by for me without a journalistic discovery, an interview recorded or articles structured. If I would have to set a goal for the future, it would be to find an equilibrium between constant academic research and my engagement in international opportunities. My desired engagement is on a multidisciplinary level, in a never-ending journey while also trying to discover the fluidity of the self, complementing the world around me with the goal of having a small impact in pressing global issues.



Credits:

  • drawing by pius



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