It Doesn't Get Better

Updated: Nov 14

I don’t think it gets better.

If I haven’t mentioned it a million times in my articles allow me to mention it again I’m only 22. Why is this important to mention right now? Well here’s why:

I know a lot and I mean a lot of people. Due to my extremely extroverted nature I tend to talk to everyone and I enjoy listening to their stories whether they supply a sentence or a whole autobiography of a life story. I feel and have always felt that it’s important to hear from those older (they know the way) and those younger (to talk about new ways) and those my age (to talk about the current path we are on) and sure this looks wholly different depending on race, ethnicity, cultural background, social class, status, orientation and so forth but that’s the beauty of it all. We’re all so unique and different, it’s like living in this really big, really unpredictable rainbow.

I remember being 18 and hanging out with 40 year old free liberals, the staunchly religious, the agnostic, the outliers and the artists because in my adolescent brain, they had figured it out. I wanted to see what it would look like for me on the other end, if I ever got there. I’ve heard stories of their pain, their abject suffering at the hands of themselves and the world. All their regrets and moral failings and I used what I heard to sort of… chart the beginnings of the trajectory of my own life. So that in some way I can find a way where I could avoid all the grief, loss and pain they had endured. At least some of it.

I then hung out with the very young. Children bring the most joy in their simple nature. Watching their emotions develop and the bright curiosity in which they approached everything restored my faith in humanity daily.

I then went to my peers who were of many races, ethnicities and beliefs. All of us rightly outraged at the unjust world we didn’t know. To expect the cruel twists of fate that were all currently happening. It would seem we were all in the process of losing something… Or someone(s). I could see the passion that really wanted to ignite change, the perseverance that kept us going and we all raged against the systems, be that in our own lives and in our society. Then.. The saddest part… Seeing that spark go out in us one by one… As we were all battered by the world, seeing greed replace what used to be compassion and seeing hope being replaced by an obligatory need to fall in line.

I surely haven’t spent time with all the groups. I don’t know everyone but here’s one thing I observed from all these groups:

It doesn’t get better. Whoever you are reading this, you will experience and continue to experience the forces of the world, loss, death, change-all that will never leave you. There will continue to be heartbreak, sorrow, crime, injustice - all that. It won’t end in your teens… Your twenties… Thirties… Fifties and beyond everything will be riddled with the harsh, painful seasons of life. Consider accepting that. Once you do…think of this:

Those seasons? They’ll be interrupted with seasons of joy, triumph and sheer human kindness. Know this, it doesn’t get better, there won’t be a magical era in your life where everything will be okay. But there will be many times when you get better. When you grow into whoever you need to be to fight whatever giant. You’re gonna beat whatever it is to the point that life has to engineer a new version just to contend with the beautiful, brave, complex and inspiring person you are! I hope this is as comforting to you as it is to me. The knowledge that it doesn’t get better but! Slowly, surely you do. You will be able to take a hit without it knocking you down and keep going. I believe this is what it is to be human, the intricate, highly ambiguous evolution and growth you’ll experience in the matter of one lifetime. I think it’s the meaning of all this, you are improving and maybe one day, enough of us will have improved enough to make the world just a little more bearable.

Whatever you’re fighting, keep going! Be grateful for how far you got because you did that by and for yourself and look forward. I can promise you that you won’t be the same.

So, from a 22 year old enthusiast for life and all its many challenges who's ready to keep getting kicked in the butt many times and hopefully get up just as many, whatever age you may be in your life, I hope you get better.

About the author:

I am a person of the world with a window that allows me many lives. Music and good food are why I'm still here. Apples are my arch enemy.


Instagram: @toki.suke Website:

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