OCD OCD OCD

“You are late, again! Why?

What is it this time?

Let me guess,

slept in?

Didn't hear your alarm clock?

Missed the bus?”

Well, not quite…

I get out of bed

long before the sun does,

You wake up to a melody

I wake up to my head buzz,

To my running thoughts

that get me out of breath,

To my irrational fears

that scare me to death,

To the sound of my heartbeat

angrily thumping,

Reminding me that I'm here

when actually,

I am floating

somewhere above me,

Overwhelmed by an urge

from my head to my feet,

It tells me I'm not good enough.

It tells me to repeat,

to repeat

to repeat,

That's the only way I can get some relief,

some relief

some relief,

I try to fight it

So while you watch your seventh dream

it's been the seventh time today that I am brushing my teeth,

You’ve had your 8 hours of sleep

and you still dare to complain?

I am lucky if I get half of that

my chest, my left hand is in pain,

I think it’s a heart attack

emergency room,

Here we are again

numbers on the walls dancing in my head,

2 plus 5 plus 3 equals ten,

While you sit and eat your breakfast

I don't dare to take a bite,

I am too busy turning on and off

and on and off,

and on and off the light

ironically,

Eating, is what would take up too much time

and as I finally manage, to walk out the door,

And see my house in the distance start to get small

it’s getting smaller and smaller...

But wait, thoughts in my mind are starting to hover,

What if I left the stove on?

What if I burn down the house?

I didn’t even cook today

so I know how ridiculous this sounds,

Yet here we go

walking all the way back,

Defying all logic

avoiding every crack,

I knew it.

I came all the way back

back for nothing,

This sort of thing

just doesn't surprise me,

While you start your engine

and smoothly drive off,

I am constantly checking

if my door is locked,

I know I have with me everything I need

but I am still patting myself down

thinking...

What did I miss?

check check check

double checking

triple checking,

It's just never enough.

I am finally here

while you look down at me,

I feel my heart start crawling,

The amount of time I was late

is equivalent to how long you waited in line

For that latte you are holding,

But life is unfair

and you just wouldn't understand,

You just want an excuse

to get on with your day,

You won't listen anyway

to what i have to say,

You approach me annoyed and ask me why I am late

making wrong assumptions that are pretty harsh and painful,

I look at you struggling to hold back my tears

you are getting frustrated

more so every second,

I am guessing it has to do with the fact

that I still haven't answered your question,

I’m at a loss for words

I’ve got to say something,

You raise your voice...

“Well what is it then?”

And so I reply,

“I'm sorry Miss,

I overslept...

It won't happen again.”

Credits:

• drawing by pigwire