
Spiraling into Derealization

One moment it is all there
The fire, the passion, the life . . .
Tears, pain, bubbling through the cracks.
Then?
Nothing.
A body emptied, hollow,
Absent.
Why am I still here?
Standing, walking, flickering within this.
“Yes, I would like that bagged.”
I don’t want anything.
“I’m sorry.”
I’m not.
Words that only hold the weight of obligation.
Words roll off my tongue so light yet so heavy.
It’s not real.
It’s so far.
Why is it so close?
Real
It is real.
In an hour it could be real.
In a year it could be real.
Concrete consequences.
Light words
Complex.
They are deep, like me.
Who am I?
Disappearing and reappearing before you.
Can that be a person?
Are you a person?
Understandable, touchable, alive
Unreal,
A veil thicker than gossamer, stickier than taffy.
Murder,
birth,
Genocide,
first day of school,
Corruption,
drinks with friends,
Overwhelming, suffocating
Nothing
Repeat.
I don’t need to be a person to be here.
I’m tired.
Sticky, think, gossamer.
Pushed, pulled.
Away.
I’m away.
Let me back.
Leave me here.
Credits:
Instagram: @toki.suke
Website: tokisukeart.com
