Spiraling into Derealization

One moment it is all there

The fire, the passion, the life . . .

Tears, pain, bubbling through the cracks.

Then?

Nothing.

A body emptied, hollow,

Absent.

Why am I still here?

Standing, walking, flickering within this.

“Yes, I would like that bagged.”

I don’t want anything.

“I’m sorry.”

I’m not.

Words that only hold the weight of obligation.

Words roll off my tongue so light yet so heavy.

It’s not real.

It’s so far.

Why is it so close?

Real

It is real.

In an hour it could be real.

In a year it could be real.

Concrete consequences.

Light words

Complex.

They are deep, like me.

Who am I?

Disappearing and reappearing before you.

Can that be a person?

Are you a person?

Understandable, touchable, alive

Unreal,

A veil thicker than gossamer, stickier than taffy.

Murder,

birth,

Genocide,

first day of school,

Corruption,

drinks with friends,

Overwhelming, suffocating

Nothing

Repeat.

I don’t need to be a person to be here.

I’m tired.

Sticky, think, gossamer.

Pushed, pulled.

Away.

I’m away.

Let me back.

Leave me here.

Credits:

Instagram: @toki.suke

Website: tokisukeart.com