The Art of “Massai-Pipi”


I am someone who needs to pee...let's say nearly all the time. I am quick! People used to be surprised by that: „You went to the toilet already?“. I don't understand the women who spend hours in the toilet and we all have to queue for years… we are losing so much life by just waiting!



So since I have a little-girl-bladder, the pandemic has been a hard time for me: no open cafes means no public toilets. It was even limiting the time with my friends. When I met my very pregnant friend Nena to go for a walk – the only possible activity in those times – our time was limited by her basic need to go back home to pee. It was the first time I could really feel that the big cities have not taken care of that basic need of humans. Well, mainly female humans...as for men it is much easier to pee in public… It also doesn’t help that God also gave us the smaller bladders.


It’s much easier to solve this problem outside the city: when we go hiking, we can easily just “green piss.” Or how the trekking guides in Tanzania used to say: „to Massai Pipi.“


Easily? „I hate green pissing“ – my best friend Kaja used to say „I am always afraid to wet myself.“ Yes that can be a problem especially when you don’t have the method down, don’t have enough time to undress, or the ground underneath is causing some backsplash. Also you need to check the wind sometimes and you need to consider if the ground is slanted! But somehow, we normally manage well enough.


..But what then? What do we do after? Many women don't use any tissue for green pissing. They just do the very official, well known, shake off, maybe pressing the legs a bit together to get rid of the last drop and then they pull up their panties. I can't do that… I hate the wet feeling in the panties after.


So all who feel like me will use a tissue and what do they do with it after? They leave it in the place of guilt for evidence. There are only a few things as disgusting as common pipi-places, covered with nasty tissues, and why is that? Only because we leave the evidence. Just last month, I was climbing Kilimanjaro, a beautiful mountain, and behind every third bush there were so many tissues!!! Massai-Pipi should not leave this much evidence! Without stepping on anybody's tissue (worst case it sticks to your shoe...urgghh) the Pipi-place would look like any other bush in the woods. So please! Please! Girls take your tissues with you. The Pipi is coming out of you, it can't be that disgusting.


I finally found my own method for it too. When I go hiking, I have one pocket of my trousers for the new tissues and one for the used ones. Sometimes, I use an empty Tempo Package to collect the used ones. And after some experience with this method I can tell you: they don't stink at all! When back from the hike, I just throw them in the bin and nobody will ever be disgusted by walking into them and can enjoy the view on my Pipi-place like or any other place in nature… Another good solution from my friend Leonie: she used to burn her tissues – only a good idea out of dry areas!


Ok but what do I do if I need to ...mhhh...“go for the big tiger,” as we say in German? Rahel showed me her really good solution for that: (She used to live in a van for one year so this situation was quite common after a while.) You take a spoon, you find your place, you dig your hole, you send your message including all the paper and you close the hole with the earth...no disgust for anyone after you. Nature stays natural and does not turn into a disgusting toilet.


So please spread the word and let together destroy all the tissue-spots by creating a new wave of ethical Pipi-culture!




* names have been changed



Credits:


@pigwire


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