Words Left Unsaid



She hesitated,

Eventually, fearfully brought up her eyes

and looked at the stranger in the reflection.


She was now caught in a tornado of time

As thoughts and voices from her past circled her

None of them her own.


She re-lived those agonising moments,

Those everlasting memories,

In seconds

Seconds is all it took

All it took to remember

To remember the pain –

The pain she had never admitted to or showed,

As if all those unspoken words had balled up in her throat

Becoming the lump –

The lump that she felt choke her every now and then

The lump she felt when holding back her tears

Yet when she was alone,

Those tears would flow

Forming into the words that were once left unsaid.


She could cry an ocean,

It still wouldn't have been enough –

Enough to get rid of it

To get rid of that weight she carried around

She worried,

She didn't want to go

Not with that weight still on her

She felt she deserved it.


She didn't trust or open up

She couldn't say those three wonderful words

She couldn't show affection the way she wanted to

She lived everything silently,

In her head,

But she felt

She felt every single thing

As if it were her own.


She avoided looking into her own eyes

As if she were shy –

Shy of that kid she once was.

“Today.”

She whispered under her breath

She had told herself that same lie

Countless of times.


A lie that eventually lasted for years

Never knowing

When she would say it truthfully.


But she broke,

She broke again,

The agony was far too real to endure.


There is a certain beauty to consciousness

And a certain pain to it too

Once you try and escape

And once you succeed

Brought back to reality is a torturous procedure.


The todays became tomorrows,

The tomorrows are now yesterdays,

Through the endless spiral of relapsing and recovering

One day she said today and meant it

But this time it was different,

This time it was her own voice

This time there were no words left unsaid.







Credits:

drawing by joy




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